She's A Boss - Khalliah Henderson Murphy

I’ve been following Lady K's Southern Comfort since its Grand Opening on July 5, 2016. I couldn't wait to catch up and fellowship with Khalliah. Khalliah Henderson Murphy has been married to Shawn Murphy Sr. for 11 years.They met the summer of ’97 at Medgar Evers College, but she was not interested. We laughed when she said, “I was acting funny. He’s from Brooklyn and I’m from the Bronx. Brooklyn guys did not have a great reputation back then.” They were reacquainted in 1998 at the Q Lounge in Manhattan. They have six beautiful children; Shai’Dazia - 18, Za’Quiah - 15, Shawn Jr. - 11, Miss Kai’Lee, the mamma of the bunch - 6, Zahir - 5, the last of the Mohicans, Khalil - 3.

We started the interview with who is Lady K? Khalliah, 37-year-old, Black woman, said she is finding herself again. “I’ve been in a world wind for a few years now but I have evolved into what I have always wanted to be unbenounced to myself. I used to cook as a child but I was forced to do it so I didn’t like doing it. Coming from a very strong background, education is key. I loved school, so I continued going to become a psychologist. This is going to be awesome. Then I realized human beings have issues and I was bringing that home. I was still in the giving and helping mode so I did civil services for 12 years; I worked for the court system. Which was good but you feel like you are missing a link. I didn’t like the feeling of, you know, I’m working for someone and I know I have to work for someone in order to stay afloat but I felt I had no control. I was in a mouse maze. We were trying so hard to catch up and were not. I took a leap and resigned. That transition was deep. We just bought a house and had a baby. Who was I to resign from a state job." Kalliah then goes into the mind shift that started to happen. "My husband and I would travel 80 miles together to and from work each way. We consider that our date morning and night. We would listen to WBLS and the Steve Harvey Morning Show. Steve Harvey is really deep. I had to get a journal because he was giving me too much food for thought. You ever have a day where everything that is happening that day is something you thought about - you just thought no one else was thinking about it? Then, it all is hitting you at that pivotal moment? That’s what starting happening to me. So, I started chronicling myself as we would drive. That’s when I realized I was deep. When I write, it is a cleansing, purging moment. I was writing to myself personally and then I was writing a prayer. It helped me make my transition. I would cry after writing and my husband is very protective. He would ask what was wrong? I would answer nothing all the time. One day I spoke up. We are caught in this rat race and we are in a cage. But we have a purpose. My husband is a man’s man. He said, I have to support my family... What do you want to do? I will support you. And that was all I needed.”

It is a blessing when God has sent you a man. The head of the house type of man. A God-fearing man. We don’t have to be the alpha female, like we were taught to be. When you commit to marriage, you agreed to be part of a partnership. You have your role and he has his. As wives, part of our role is to support our husbands while they lead, provide, and protect the family. “Lori, I took the time to learn how to be completely submissive.” I know the roles, but I was raised by a single black woman who didn’t take no mess. So was my husband. It was a transition for him too. He was accustomed to being in a single parent household. Being under the tutelage of a woman, a woman can’t teach a boy to be a man. But he’s powerful.” Look what Shawn Sr. did with his lessons. “He learned how to be gentle to women because of the strife of being a woman. We have been together since I was really young. We are eight years apart and when I look at my husband I can say we have really grown." Talking about Shawn Sr. makes Kalliah feel totally blessed. I could feel the love. "To be so unselfish to say, Baby, do what you want to do, you got this.” And he had that (the lead). “That was all I needed. Nothing else. I needed backup and encouragement."

"I had a lot of fear. Fear is horrible. Some people say fear is humbling, no it’s not! It will keep you in a capsule. You start to fear yourself. That’s what I was doing. I use to cook food for the courts. I cooked for the Bronx Civil, Criminal, Supreme, Family Court, ACS and the Welfare Center. These people make decent money. Do you know I use to charge them $3.00 to $5.00? Lines going around the corner. I called it a fundraiser to help put my daughter through private school." We talked about building clientele and people supporting your endeavors. We shared intimate stories of supporters and the hecklers. Talking with Khalliah made me feel fed. She reassured me that I am where I’m supposed to be. With each interview, I am more and more humbled by the sharing of information and the experiences had with each individual. Khalliah feels the same. She meets and greets all her customers. She knows all her regulars by name and their orders. Because she is always thinking of the next thing she must remind herself that she is a one-person operation. It is obvious that she keeps the thought of crawl before you walk, walk before you run in mind.“ But I see the future. You know how you sit and dream and then you start to see the dream? It is so humbling."

"I am so thankful to God." She prayed for and always wanted five children. He gave her six. "Won't He do it? I praise dance almost every day in the restaurant. I think I’m running out of things.” She shared, just when she thinks she out of ingredients, she’ll look again and there it is. What she needed. "Lori, at the end of the night I’ll go, wow I had just enough. Only God. It’s so funny. You know how you limit yourself, or if I do this my production will only be this. Only God will look down and say, did you forget who I am? I am the alpha the Omega. I will give you what you need. Don't get me wrong, some days I am struggling because I am running this by myself. It’s because I have a particular way I want this to run. Sometimes when people don’t have your vision or they are just working to be paid (the atmosphere you wanted to create will not be executed.) You know that lack luster attitude. This is not the business that you can be lack luster. This is home cooking. When you come, and sit down, I want you to feel like you are home. You’re sitting at your grandmother’s table. That is why I do it.”

Khalliah started cooking at the tender age of nine. She recalls being proud when frying chicken and hearing the complements and the adults raving over her meals. She looks forward to each customers’ experience – the eyes rolling to the back of their heads and tantalizing moans of their taste buds enjoying what was prepared. “I will collect plates and see customers suck their bones. ” That’s a complement to the chef. She is looking forward to the growth and succeeding. Her menu consists of Spanish, Caribbean, Italian, and Asian cuisines which are listed as the specials for the day. While her soul food menu is served everyday. “I find it so funny that people will ask what the specials are and still get the classic soul food plate. Let me get a large southern fried chicken with Mac and greens. Initially wanted Lady K’s Southern Comfort to be a soul food restaurant in the community and having another location in five years." As Khalliah was developing the vision she saw the need to incorporate a philanthropic mission. Using her psychology degree in an after school program while teaching a cooking class to the youth is one project she wants to get off the ground. “I want to be known for greatness of food and caring for others. Our mantra is pleasing palates is our pleasure. I just want to stay consistent with that." Her restaurant is so family friendly, customers will come to vent like they would to a bartender. "Got to be careful what you ask for. People will come in and tell me their business. I don’t know.” It’s the feeling of being at home in Lady K’s. The aroma of different delectable dishes, the personal touch and warm welcome you receive every time you enter the restaurant. You are getting your stomachs fed and filled along with your spirit. Khalliah has joined the Hyde Park Chambers of Commerce. She's involved in community events with them in hopes that they will be able to help her in the future with her meals on wheels’ program. She has cooked meals for disadvantage families and people in need for the holidays. “I know how important those meals are. Especially for kids.They should have not to worry about things like that. They should enjoy being kids.” Lady K is living by the golden rules and leading by example.

"It is so freeing and so much independence in being an entrepreneur. But don’t get me wrong, Lori, I said to my husband the other day, I think I know why I liked living from check to check. He didn’t say anything he just listen. That is what I needed.” Khalliah is the boss, the cook, hostess, waitress, the kitchen help, and manager. While her family will assist her on the weekends. She then shares the rewards and pit falls of being the Boss then say, “But it is what it is. Great food at great prices.” Lady K is Khalliah Henderson Murphy and she is still growing. She evaluates everything she’s ever done. It’s brought her this far and there is no stopping her. “It took a lot to get in the mind set of become a boss. I think I was always a boss because of the way I run my house. Putting the puzzle pieces together though, was a transition. But, God planned everything for me." She reflects back on when she did work for the state, the lengths that she went for her clients. If she goes above and beyond for a job, she could definitely do it for the legacy she will pass on to her children. Work ethics is so important. She goes on to say that you will never be able to fulfill your purpose and live in your greatness. “Manners will take you where money can’t buy you.” She's referred to catering events because of her dishes and her easy going personality. Her advice to others is, “Anyone who has a thought of a possibility of what they can do, they need to do it.” Don’t let your talents be wasted. God gave you these talents. Use them. You don’t want to be the person who says they should of, could of, would of. Don’t do that. You have life and breath in your body."

"Every waking moment do something. The dreams you have when you go to sleep, those are visions on how you should live your life. When you have those dreams, those visions, that you can fly, that’s because you can soar. You can go places others won’t. You can do things. When you have those dreams with super human strength of you moving a boulder, that is because in real life you can move mountains. And one last thing, people who want to be true to themselves, you can’t be true to yourself unless you are true to God. You have to acknowledge Him. Her message for young people, empowerment is key. "They need to understand if you are not getting it at home, it’s out there. But you can’t let negativity consume you. An idol mind is the devil’s playground. If you are not being fed properly, look for the right nourishment. Learn yourself because when you are young, you transition into what you are going to be when you're older. Stay positive."

Lady K’s is a Yelp award recipient. Lady K’s Southern Comfort, where pleasing palates is our pleasure, is located at Hyde Park in Dutchess County, 870 Violet Ave suite 2, Hyde Park, NY 12538. Their business hours are 12 PM - 8 PM, Tuesday - Saturday, and 12 PM - 4 PM, Sunday. They are closed on Mondays. Their website, www.ladyksoutherncomfort.com. You can place your orders over the phone, 845-233-5955. Like Lady K’s on Facebook, Lady K’s Southern Comfort, as well as Instagram as KalliahladyKmurphy. This summer, Davi will be having their first meal at Lady K’s.It will be a vlog issue. I can’t wait for the experience. It was a pleasure speaking with Mrs. Khalliah Henderson Murphy, owner, and operator of Lady K’s Southern Comfort.